let me see again - give me more

I promised the good and the bad....

Thursday, Feb. 24, 2005, at 1:57 p.m.

I don't understand the tightness in my chest.

I came into this relationship and lifestyle knowing that I would be sharing.

I openly accept the fact that women are attracted to my husband, who I love
possibly more than any of my own flesh and blood. I know in my heart that
he and I are meant to be together, that by some cosmic happening, we ended
up in the right time and place, meshed together.

We have been together with couples. We have then seen them separately
(without each other present). We have made dates when the other is away and
taken advantage of flirting and petting with others when the occasion
arises.

Now, we have a problem. He likes her. She likes him. They want to be
together. For some reason this causes me to be physically ill in a manner
that I can't explain. My chest hurts. I can't sleep well. My food will
not stay down. There is no real reason for this, I tell myself. You should
be ok with all of it. He loves you more than anything. You trust him with
your life and more. But does my "gut" know something I don't know? Do I
follow the instinct that tells me that this could turn into something really
bad? Do I take him up on his offer to not continue the impending
relationship they want to form? Is it selfish of me to want to be
comfortable with the people he is with? And how would I feel if he did this
to me, asking me to end a relationship?

He says he understands. He's been burned by this type of relationship
before, but doesn't believe it could happen the other way around.

I can't lose him, so my dilemma is, do I risk losing him by letting them
play or risk losing him by not letting them play?

I would love some advice from those of you who may have been in this situation before.

SG

Addendum to the entry:

I've left out a few things that I didn't realize until I started receiving comments...which I want to thank you all for....THANK YOU!

1. She is not in the lifestyle and has made it clear with me that she doesn't want to take him from me, she just needs some excitement in her life and feels safe with him.

2. Hubby and I are very open with this and have not held back our feelings about it. He knows what I'm feeling and I know what he's feeling.

3. I don't feel my marriage is threatened. I am trying to understand why I am feeling this way, when I know to trust him as he trusts me.

Thanks again guys!!

let me see again - give me more