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Comments:
Brian - 2005-02-24 16:38:12
Could it be that you're afraid that it'll become more than just a physical thing with them? You could be feeling that your husband is cheating on you emotionally...
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Kevin - 2005-02-24 16:45:39
Addendum to my feedback:
Is this the woman that hubby partially undressed in some back room at her office (you wrote about her several months ago)? I realize sharing intimacies is more threatening than sharing body fluids but I just wouldn't worry about it too much. At best he will make her feel good about herself, at worst she will become delusional and make unreasonable emotional demands of him. She's not in the lifestyle and won't get into it - that would seem to cramp hubby's style. If they did get serious she would eventually want a conventional relationship and he would just end up cheating on her. I think hubby is way to smart for that. You both like playing with other people - its part of who you are - so why would he give that up?
I can't delve into your heart, but from the purely practical "I want as much pussy as possible" perspective I just don't see hubby jumping ship, so to speak. You are too much damn fun to go and ruin with some emotional basket case who probably is just a ugly skank anyway.
Fan of Hubby's
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kelly - 2005-02-24 16:51:39
Always, always, trust your gut. Women know. We always know, we just don't always want to listen to ourselves. We have been conditioned not to believe in ourselves, but we get burned that way.
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Piper - 2005-02-24 18:09:18
I'm with Kelly. Go with your gut instinct. I do think women tend to know these things, on some level and not listening to that could be dangerous.
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sirgringo - 2005-02-25 10:27:44
SG, as a guy I have to say this: Tell him to end it. If she is not in the lifestyle, but, looking for excitement, she needs to look some place else then. Period.
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alseedus - 2005-02-25 15:16:12
yeah. i agree with kelly, piper and sirgringo- trust your gut and tell him to end it.
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rach - 2005-02-25 18:33:45
The thought of the love of my life touching or even looking at another woman just kills me inside. I would be so hurt by that. How can you even watch and be ok with this kind of lifestyle?? Make him end it. If you truly love someone you do not give any of you affection (physical, or emotional) to ANYONE else. It's obvious that neither of you care as much as you say, otherwise this wouldn't have even got started with another couple. You both need to re-think how you feel. How can you touch another man and not feel a bit guilty. Is being intimate with someone else how you declare your love to him? No, you show him that he's the ONLY man for you. That HE satisfies you in every way. You don't need anyone else to comfort you. Stop this BS before you're left alone. Trust me, you will go back and try to remember every choice you ever made. You will wonder if things would have been different had you changed the decisions you made. Both of you need to end this and soon.. Good Luck..
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rach.. - 2005-02-25 18:36:12
that kevin guy is wrong. End this NOW
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k - 2005-02-25 19:32:31
if you feel shitty about it, it doesn't really matter how you *think* you are "supposed to" feel. i would say that you two have a discussion about whether or not the other person can have some say in who you pick to play with. establish a norm to be used in all scenerios, and work from there. also, this rach person is out of control. don't sweat her rant, it's too bad she has such a closed mind and has so internalized societal norms.
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a - 2005-02-26 10:09:24
Trust your gut. This sounds like a mutual crush at the moment, and is probably no more harmful than that. If it goes further, and becomes physical, then you are not the only person who is going to get hurt here. This lifestyle demands mutual trust from everyone involved, and you should have "sign-off" on anyone that your husband is interested in. If you don't feel right trusting him with her now, then you are never going to. End this.
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Bright Onyx - 2005-02-27 06:24:11
This is my first comment here, but I've been reading for a while.
I'm with Piper and Sir Gringo. Trust your gut. This woman is not in the lifestyle and that could be a big problem.
Would your husband be with her, even if it's upsetting you this much? It seems to me that this shouldn't have gotten this far. The second you told him you were uncomfortable, he should have said, "That it. I won't do it." If you marriage come first, then he should do whatever it takes to prove it.
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alseedus - 2005-02-27 14:46:26
i agree with BRIGHT ONYX. well said.
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Dawn (webmiztris) - 2005-02-28 02:27:26
Of course, I've never been in the position you're speaking of, but I agree you should trust your gut. You guys have been doing this for a while. If this has never happened before, this instance of ill feelings must mean SOMETHING.
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Laura - 2005-02-28 12:00:27
If your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something IS wrong. We know. Womens intuition. It's an amazing thing and it should never be ignored. I've been in a similar situation very recently with hubby and I can relate to the feelings you have. Your chest gets tight, breathing is difficult, the adrenaline is flowing. You hear and feel the blood rushing through your veins, your heartbeat is a loud drum. There's a reason for your feelings. Something is just not quite right about it and you know it. Tell him to forget it. It's off. And from now on if you continue this lifestyle, each of you should have a say in who the other "plays" with. Consider the others feelings the moment either of you feels uncomfortable about someone else. And don't believe what she says about not wanting to take him from you. She could be playing you by telling you exactly what you want to hear.
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kim - 2005-03-01 01:29:36
hey,I know its been ages since Ive been around. But i would always trust your gut instinct. if your insides are telling you to be worried then there is probably good reason for it. if he knows its trully an issue for you then he wont want to do it. you are his wife above all other things. good luck.
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Tim - 2005-03-04 22:35:29
Hi, Love your blog. I just wanted to add my opinion. The other woman needs to read "The Ethical Slut" learn about the lifestyle, the excitement, lust, fun and join in. If she dosen't she's looking for a emotional bond with your hubby which is strickly off limits unless she wants to bond with you to and do the threesome tango!
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Dan - 2005-03-28 22:21:11
I disagree. We all have those moments of insecurity, even when you and your mate have had sex with 100's of other couples. It just a natural feeling. And if your not careful, what could be nothing could get the best of you. In this kind of relationship, trust is everything. It doesn't matter what she's looking for...if he loves you, that won't matter. He'll know when she crosses that line and he'll know what to do. Think back to when you've had encounter without him...I'm sure he had similar worries...we all do. But in today's busy world, it's not always possible for everyone to be in attendance...and that's what makes this lifestyle so perfect...having that trust to be so naughty, but yet always come home to the one you love.
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